swing when you’re winning

SWING WHEN YOU’RE WINNING : 19 novembre 2001

I WILL TALK AND HOLLYWOOD WILL LISTEN

I wouldn’t be so alone
If they knew my name in every home
Kevin Spacey would call on the phone
But I’d be too busy
Come back to the old five and dime
Cameron Diaz give me a sign
I’d make you smile all the time
Your conversation would compliment mine

I will talk and Hollywood will listen
See them bow at my every word
Mr Spielberg look just what you’re missing
Doesn’t that seem a little absurd
Bow at my every word

Buy up the rights to my book
Live on a ranch from what the box office took
I’ll go and visit the set
They’ll call me their saviour
All the peoples will scorn celebrity
Lives on the moon
But, I’ll be back home in June
To promote the sequel

I will talk and Hollywood will listen
See them bow at my every word
Mr. Spielberg look just what you’re missing
Doesn’t that seem a little absurd
Bow at my every word

MACK THE KNIFE

Oh the shark babe has such pretty teeth, dear
And he shows them pearly white
Just a jack knife has ol’ MacHeath, babe
And he keeps it out of sight

You know when that shark bites with his teeth, dear
Scarlet billows start to spread
Fancy gloves though wears ol’ MacHeath, babe
So there’s never, never a trace of red

On the sidewalk, Oh Sunday morning don’t you know
Lies a body just oozing life
And Someone’s sneaking around the corner
Could that be our boy Mack the knife?

From a tug boat down by the river don’t you know
Lays a cement bag just dropping on down
That’s cement’s there, it’s there for the weight, dear
I’ll get you ten ol’ Macky is back in town

Did you hear bout Louie Miller? He disappeared, babe
After drawing out all his hard earned cash
And know MacHeath spends, he spends just like a, like a sailor
Could it be, could it be, our boy did something rash?

Jenny Diver Oh Sukey Tawdry
Look out Miss Polly Peachum and Oh Lucy Brown
Yeah the line forms on the right, dear
Now that Macky is back in town

SOMETHIN’ STUPID (avec Nicole Kidman)

I know I stand in line
Until you think you have the time
To spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace to dance
I know that there’s a chance
You won’t be leaving with me

Then afterwards we drop into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you

I can see it in your eyes
You still despise the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though it’s just a line to you
For me it’s true
And never seemed so right before

I practice every day to find some clever
lines to say
To make the meaning come true
But then I think I’ll wait until the evening
gets late
And I’m alone with you

The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
And oh the night’s so blue
And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you
I love you…

DO NOTHIN’ TILL YOU HEAR FROM ME

Do nothing till you hear from me
Pay no attention to what’s said
Why one should tear the seam of anyone’s dream
Is over my head

Do nothing till you hear from me
At least consider our romance
If you should take the word of others you’ve heard
I haven’t a chance

True, I’ve been seen with someone new
But does that mean that I’m untrue?
While we’re apart, the words in my heart
Reveal how I feel about you

Some kiss may cloud my memory
And other arms may hold a thrill
But please do nothing till you hear it from me
And you never will!

IT WAS A VERY GOOD YEAR (avec Frank Sinatra)

When I was seventeen, it was a very good year.
It was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights.
We’d hide from the light on the village green when I was seventeen.
When I was twenty-one, it was a very good year.
It was a very good year for city
girls who lived up the stairs
With perfume hair that came undone
when I was twenty-one.

When I was thirty-five, it was a very good year.
It was a very good year for blue-blooded
girls of independent means.
We’d ride in limousines. Their chauffeurs
would drive when I was thirty-five.

But now the days are short, I’m in the
autumn of the year
and now I think of my life as vintage
wine from fine old kegs
From the brim to the dregs. It poured
sweet and clear. It was a very good year

STRAIGHTEN UP AND FLY RIGHT

A buzzard took a monkey for a ride in the air,
The monkey thought that everything
was on the square.
The buzzard tried to throw the monkey
off his back,
The monkey grabbed his neck and said,
« Now listen, Jack… »

Straighten up and fly right,
Straighten up and fly right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don’t you blow your top.
Ain’t no use in divin’,
What’s the use in jivin’?
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don’t you blow your top.

The buzzard told the monkey,
You’re chokin’ me.
Release your hold and I’ll set you free.
The monkey looked the buzzard right
dead in the eye and said,
Your story’s so touching, but it sounds
jes’ like a lie.

Straighten up and fly right
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don’t you blow your top.

Straighten up and fly right
Straighten up and stay right
Straighten up and fly right
Cool down, papa, don’t you blow – your – top.

Fly right!

WELL, DID YOU EVAH! (avec Jon Lovitz)

I have heard among this clan
You are called a forgotten man

Is that what they’re sayin’?
Well, did you evah!
What a swell party this is!

And have you heard the story of
A boy, a girl, unrequited love?

Sounds like pure soap opera

I may cry

Tune in tomorrow

What a swell party this is
What frills, what frocks

What broads

What furs, what rocks

They’re beautiful

Why, I’ve never seen such gaiety

Neither did I!

It’s all just too, too exquis, really

This French champagne

Domestic

So good for the brain

That’s what I was gonna say!

You know you’re a brilliant fellow?

Thank you

Drink up, chap.
Ah, please don’t eat that glass, my friend.
Have you heard about dear Blanche?
Got run down by an avalanche.

No!

Don’t worry.
She’s a game girl, you know.
Got up and finished fourth.

This kid’s got guts.

Havin’ a nice time?
Grab a line

Have you heard that Mimsy Starr

Oh, what now?

She got pinched in the Astor bar

Sauced again, hey?

She was stoned!

Well, did you evah?

Never!

What a swell party this is!

Hey, check out that dress?

Yeah, it’s a lovely dress. You think I can talk her out of it?

It’s great

Ah, it’s great

It’s grand

So grand

It’s wonderland!

We sing

We sing

So rare

So rare

Like old Camembert
Like baba au rhum

Ba, ba, ba bum!

Don’t dig that kind of crooning, chum!

Have you heard?
It’s in the stars
Next July we collide with Mars
Well, did you evah?
What a swell party, a swell party, a swellegant, elegant party this is!

I drink to your health

Nah! Let’s drink to your wealth

You’re my bon ami

Hey, that’s French!

Liberty

Fraternity
Have you heard?
It’s in the stars
Next July, we collide with Mars.
Well, did you evah?
What a swell party, swell party, swellegant, elegant party this is!

MR BOJANGLES

I knew a man Bojangles and he’d dance for you
In worn out shoes
With silver hair, a ragged shirt, and baggy pants
The old soft shoe
He jumped so high, jumped so high
Then he lightly touched down

I met him in a cell in New Orleans I was down and out
He looked to me to be the eyes of age
as he spoke right out
He talked of life, talked of life, he laughed clicked his heels and stepped

He said his name « Bojangles » and he danced a lick across the cell
He grabbed his pants and spread his stance,
Oh he jumped so high and then he clicked his heels
He let go a laugh, let go a laugh
and shook back his clothes all around

Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles
Mr. Bojangles, dance

He danced for those at minstrel shows and county fairs throughout the south
He spoke through tears of 15 years how his dog and him traveled about
The dog up and died, he up and died
And after 20 years he still grieves

He said I dance now at every chance in honky tonks for drinks and tips
But most the time I spend behind these county bars ’cause I drinks a bit
He shook his head, and as he shook his head
I heard someone ask him please

Mr. Bojangles, Mr. Bojangles
Mr. Bojangles, dance.

ONE FOR MY BABY

It’s quarter to three, there’s no one in the place
Except you and me
So set ’em’ up Joe, I got a little story
I think you should know
We’re drinking my friend, to the end
Of a brief episode
Make it one for my baby
And one more for the road
I know the routine, put another nickel
In the machine
I feel kind of bad, can’t you make the music
Easy and sad
I could tell you a lot, but it’s not
In a gentleman’s code
Make it one for my baby
And one more for the road
You’d never know it, but buddy I’m a kind of poet
And I’ve got a lot of things I’d like to say
And if I’m gloomy, please listen to me
Till it’s talked away
Well that’s how it goes, and Joe I know your gettin’
Anxious to close
Thanks for the cheer
I hope you didn’t mind
My bending your ear
But this torch that I found, It’s gotta be drowned
Or it’s gonna explode
Make it one for my baby
And one more for the road

THINGS (avec Jane Horrocks)

Ev’ry night I sit here by my window (window)
Starin’ at the lonely avenue (avenue)
Watching lovers holdin’ hand ‘n’ laughin’ (laughin’)
And thinkin’ ’bout the things we used to do

(Thinkin’ of things) Like a walk in the park
(Things) Like a kiss in the dark
(Things) Like a sailboat ride
(Yeah-yeah) What about the night we cried?
Things like a lover’s vow
Things that we don’t do now
Thinkin’ ’bout the things we used to do

Memories are all I have to cling to (cling to)
And heartaches are the friends I’m talkin’ to (talkin’ to)
When I’m not thinkin’ of-a just how much I love you (love you)
Well, I’m-a thinkin’ ’bout the things we used to do

refrain

I still can hear the jukebox softly playin’ (playin’)
And the face I see each day belongs to you (belongs to you)
Though there’s not a single sound and there’s nobody else around
Well, it’s-a just me thinkin’ of the things we used to do

refrain

And the heartaches are the friends I’m talkin’ to
Ya got me thinkin’ ’bout the things we used to do

Starin’ at the lonely avenue

AIN’T THAT A KICK IN THE HEAD

How lucky can one guy be?
I kissed her and she kissed me
Like the fella once said,
« Ain’t that a kick in the head? »
The room was completely black,
I hugged her and she hugged back
Like the sailor said, quote,
« Ain’t that a hole in the boat? »

My head keeps spinnin’,
I go to sleep and keep grinnin’
If this is just the beginnin’,
my life is gonna be bee-yoo-tee-ful

I’ve sunshine enough to spread,
it’s just like the fella said
Tell me quick, ain’t love a kick in the head?

Like the fella once said,
« Ain’t that a kick in the head? »
Like the sailor said, quote,
« Ain’t that a hole in the boat? »

My head keeps spinnin’,
I go to sleep and keep grinnin’
If this is just the beginnin’,
my life is gonna be bee-yoo-tee-ful

She’s tellin’ me we’ll be wed,
she’s picked out a king-size bed
I couldn’t feel any better or I’d be sick
Tell me quick oh, ain’t love a kick?
Tell me quick ain’t love a kick in the head?

THEY CAN’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME (avec Rupert Everett)

There are many many crazy things
That will keep me loving you
And with your permission
May I list a few

The way you wear your hat
The way you sip your tea
The memory of all that
No they can’t take that away from me

The way your smile just beams
The way you sing off key
The way you haunt my dreams
No they can’t take that away from me

We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road to love
But I’ll always, always keep the memory of

The way you hold your knife
The way we danced till three
The way you changed my life
No they can’t take that away from me

HAVE YOU MET MISS JONES?

Have you met Miss Jones
Someone said as we shook hands
She was just Miss Jones to me

Then I said Miss Jones
You’re a girl who understands
I’m a man who must be free.

And all at once I lost my breath
And all at once was scared to death
And all at once I own the earth and sky

Now I met Miss Jones
And well keep on meeting till we die
Miss Jones and I

And all at once I lost my breath
And all at once was scared to death
And all at once I own the earth and sky

Now I met Miss Jones
And well keep on meeting till we die
Miss Jones and I
Miss Jones and I

Miss Jones and I

ME AND MY SHADOW (avec Jonathan Wilkes)

Johnny and Robbie
What you talking like that for, you’re from Stoke!
I dunno but I can’t stop here pally

Like the wallpaper sticks to the wall
Like the seashore clings to the sea
Like you’ll never get rid of your shadow
You’ll never get rid of me

Let all the others fight and fuss
Whatever happens, we’ve got us.

(Me and my shadow)
We’re closer than pages that stick in a book
We’re closer than ripples that flow in a brook
(Strolling down the avenue)
Wherever you find him, you’ll find me, just look
Closer than a miser or the bloodhounds to Liza

Me and my shadow
We’re closer than smog to all of L.A.
We’re closer than Ricky to confessing he’s gay??
Not a soul can bust this team in two
We stick together like glue

And when it’s sleeping time
That’s when we rise
We start to swing
Our clocks don’t chime
What a surprise
They ring-a-ding-ding!
Happy New Year!

(Me and my shadow)
And now to repeat what I said at the start
They’ll need a large crowbar to break us apart
We’re alone but far from blue

Before we get finished, we’ll make the town roar
We’ll hit a few late spots, and then a few more
We’ll wind up at Stringy’s and maybe Groucho’s
Life is gonna be we-wow-whee!
For my shadow and me!

Can we do that again
No, I’m too tired
Please Rob
No, I’m swung out
I’ll give you some money
I don’t need money
What about a cup of tea
Not thirsty
I’ll won’t tell anyone you’re gay.

Before we get finished, we’ll make the town roar
We’ll hit all the late spots, and then a few more
We’ll wind up at Stringy’s and maybe Groucho’s
Life is gonna be we-wow-whee!
For my shadow and me!

BEYOND THE SEA

Somewhere beyond the sea,
Somewhere waiting for me,
My lover stands on golden sands
And watches the ships that go sailing.

Somewhere beyond the sea
She’s there watching for me.
If I could fly like birds on high
Then straight to her arms I’d go sailing

It’s far beyond the star,
It’s near beyond the moon.
I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon

We’ll meet beyond the shore
We’ll kiss just as before
And happy we’ll be beyond the sea
And never again I’ll go sailing

I know beyond a doubt
My heart will lead me there soon
We’ll meet, I know, we’ll meet beyond the shore
We’ll kiss just as before
And happy we will be beyond the sea
And never again I’ll go sailing

No more sailing
So long, sailing, sailing, no more sailing

Good-bye, farewell my friend, no more sailing

So long sailing, no more sailing

No more, farewell…

No more sailing

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